Jamais seul

“I know you miss him and I know you think you can’t be without him. I know he told you he loved you and I know he said he’d never leave. I know although you knew you shouldn’t have believed that, you did and I know you want him more than anything. I know you spend extra time doing your makeup and hair perfect just in case he looks your way and I know secretly, you want to bump into him anywhere you go. I know you get that feeling when you walk past him and I know you just want him to look your way. I know he called you his baby and his number one and I know he told you he loved you at the end of each of his texts. I know he told you after he’s caused you so much pain. I know your face lights up at the mention of his name and I know that you were his world and I know he made you happy. I know you re-read the saved texts from him that you should of deleted ages ago and I know you can’t figure out what’s making you still like him so much even you’re scared to talk about him to your friends because you don’t want them to know how amazing he is. I know you still get that tingle feeling if he so much as looks as though he’s looking your way and I know that the whole day you’ll be analyzing what that look meant. I know you know he used you and I know you always forgave him for all his faults no matter what. I know you smile bigger, talk louder and laugh more when you see him anywhere near and I know that’s because you just want him to notice you again. I know you compare every guy to him and I know you’d do anything to prove your love for him. I know you take out his mistakes out on everyone but him and I know you don’t mean to. I know you read your saved msn conversations you had with him every night and I know you cry every time. I know you think you won’t care for anyone as much as you care for him and I know you tell everyone you’re ‘obviously’ over him. I know that you don’t know that I can see right through that. I know you listen to the songs that remind you of him every night and I know you cry yourself to sleep. I know you’d do anything to be perfect for him and I know if it meant you had to stab yourself the next day after seeing him, if it meant spending a whole day with him, you’d do it. I know you can’t figure out what’s so different about him to all the other guys you’ve been with previously and I know he’s the reason you look in the mirror too much. I know you get that feeling every time you get a text, just because of the slight chance it might be him and I know anyone can see the hurt in your eyes when you find out it isn’t. I know you can’t figure out why he left you and I know you’ll never get an answer to that question. I know that. Trust me. Now listen. I know he doesn’t miss you and I know he doesn’t look at you twice. I know that if he does catch your eye it’s because you’re staring at him and he’s just looking around. I know your texts to him were deleted a long time ago, along with the msn conversations and I know he’s dating a new girl now. I know for a fact that he doesn’t compare her to you. I know he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore and I know he just doesn’t care. I know he doesn’t care about you no more. He never did. Trust me. I should know. I know you can relate to everything I said because he made us all feel the same. Do me a favour please? When he’s done with his current girlfriend pass this onto her. I know you will because you appreciate this as much as I did when it got passed to me. Knowing you’re not the only girl he’s hurt though, makes you feel better I guess. I wonder how many more girls he’s gonna hurt.”

I want you to know one thing.

Well, now,
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
You forget me
Do not look for me,
For I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
The wind of banners
That passes through my life,
And you decide
To leave me at the shore
Of the heart where I have roots,
Remember
That on that day,
At that hour,
I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off
To seek another land.

But
If each day,
Each hour,
You feel that you are destined for me
With implacable sweetness,
If each day a flower
Climbs up to your lips to seek me,
Ah my love, ah my own,
In me all that fire is repeated,
In me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
My love feeds on your love, beloved,
And as long as you live it will be in your arms
Without leaving mine

Pablo Neruda